Mindfulness—Participating with Attention

What is mindfulness? It is purposely paying attention in the present moment without judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 1994). 

It is about intentionally being aware of the present moment without judging your experience. It’s about paying attention to what is happening now (within you and around you) with a curious, friendly, open and accepting attitude. It’s hard to not judge something or to label something as good or bad, so be gentle with yourself. Mindfulness is the practice of noticing when you judge something and then coming back to your experience with openness. 

Being present in the moment without judgment can help you increase your enjoyment of life and improve your mental health. It can increase your ability to cope with upsetting thoughts, anxiety, depression and insomnia (Dijk, 2012). Mindfulness, especially when focusing on being curious, friendly, open and accepting, will trigger positive feelings and help you feel good. It increases your self-awareness and can help you choose how to respond in situations, rather than be reactive.

Focusing on the present moment can decrease emotional pain. When we think about the past, we usually think of unpleasant things–things that people have done or said to us. Depressed feelings are often the result of reliving these past experiences and thinking about them. Thinking about the future is similar–we worry about the absolute worst thing that could happen, the what-ifs. We slip into the quagmire of catastrophizing. Anxiety is basically worrying about the future and then feeling as if those worst case scenarios are happening to us right now. Why not choose to direct our thoughts and ground ourselves in the present moment rather than dwelling in an unpleasant past or visualizing an apocalyptic future?  We are missing out on life around us by obsessing and getting lost in the past or the future. 

Mindfulness increases our awareness so we can catch ourselves when we start to sink into the past or some imagined future. You can start to recognize when your mind shifts gears out of the current moment and you start spiraling into a different time. 

Mindfulness has a calming and relaxing effect. Living in the present, rather than the past or present, results in less painful emotions, which inherently makes you feel more calm. Doing one thing at a time with your full attention helps you feel calmer and less overwhelmed. Multitasking can be stressful and chaotic. When you start to slow down and pay attention fully, you will enjoy pleasant activities that maybe you didn’t really pay attention to before–like petting your cat or dog, cutting up some fruit, looking at a blue-jay sitting on the tree outside your window, taking a walk in the cool, crisp air, and taking a deep breath.  

However, I think one of the most important aspects of mindfulness is being more accepting and less judgmental of situations and thoughts. You will feel more peaceful accepting things as they are, rather than getting upset because things aren’t how you would like them to be. Ultimately, being more calm and being more accepting helps you regulate your emotions better and increases your well-being. 

The goal is to really be there when you are doing an activity–playing with a child, drinking your cup of tea, listening to someone share. Enjoy yourself while you are here now, getting out of the past and the future. 

I do want to add that sometimes the present moment can be painful. For example, if someone has died recently, you might feel sad and be hurting inside. Recognizing these feelings and feeling these feelings can feel uncomfortable. But this is what is happening inside you right now–in your heart and in your mind. Being present and accepting your feelings as they are is healthy. And know that these feelings do shift and it’s better to feel the sadness now rather than delaying it by escaping into something like food and substances. I encourage you to gently take care of yourself by preparing dinner, burning some incense, listening to some music, writing down your thoughts, taking a shower, calling a friend . . . focusing on one thing at a time, being exactly where you are–in the now. The negative emotions will fade and they will resurface again, but you will be okay. Feel the feelings as they come for a bit. Then enter completely into an activity, becoming one with the activity–alert and aware. The act of mindfulness is peaceful. As the founder of DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), Marsha Linehan said, “Mindlessness is participating without attention to the task; mindfulness is participating with attention.”

2022 Intentions

I am thinking about intentions for the year and inspiring you all to identify what is meaningful to you that you would like to focus on for 2022.

In order to get you charged up, I would like to explore self-care and self-development first. I know this can be overwhelming trying to figure out what you want to focus on this year, but let’s just start with simplicity and the basics. Sleeping more, getting to bed earlier, resting–these are things that we forget about and are the basic foundation to good health. And what about drinking more water? Then there's the intention of breathing more from your diaphragm, regulating your nervous system with slow, deep breaths. We want to start with tiny steps. Maybe doing some yoga stretches each day. Possibly meditating with a guided meditation on an app or meditating on your own. On a deeper level–do you need to tend to your sorrow and/or your grief; to hold yourself? Do you want to learn how to stop shoulding on yourself? Do you want to stop shaming yourself and learn how to love and accept yourself? Perhaps you are exploring your gender identity or your sexual orientation and you want to talk about that more.

Let’s look at purpose and meaning secondly. What do you want to learn this year? Where do you need to take action? What communities do you need to connect with? What makes you feel alive? What feeds you intellectually, spiritually and physically? How can you start initiating and moving towards your values? Do you want to revisit an old hobby or start a new one? It is important to focus on what brings us joy and sparks us. Creating is often a big part of finding joy and meaning. Filling our time with activities that are regenerative–making some food, curling up with a book, petting our cat or dog–these things bring meaning and purpose. Maybe plant a tree, join a community garden, reconnect with nature by going on a hike, write a poem and/or journal. Perhaps reach out to your senators, state representatives, or even the president of the United States, writing a letter expressing your concerns and what you would like to happen. This can be cathartic, knowing that we can make a difference.

And now let’s move to relationships. What connections do you want to water? Start with your pet if you have one, maybe a family member, your lover or spouse, a friend you have not connected with in a while, an acquaintance that you would like to grow closer to. How can you listen more deeply? How can you let yourself be changed by those around you? How can you show up with compassion and love and understanding? Perhaps you want to focus on detachment from the haters and move towards those that are more loving and supportive. Setting boundaries and speaking assertively are skills to continuously work on and develop in order to create healthier relationships.

Ultimately, the goal is to find our authentic selves and reconnect with our truth, to love ourselves and to give ourselves a break. We are human. We all mess up and life is messy and intentions need to be simple. What do you visualize yourself doing and being? I encourage you to pick out three intentions and then write them down. Come back and revisit them each month. And remember to acknowledge how compassionate and wise you truly are. You have everything within you to succeed in 2022 and we can make this year a year of growth.

Covid & Virtual Therapy, Partisan Divisiveness, Racial Equality

Covid and Virtual Therapy

Covid pandemic has impacted us all--it has induced stress and anxiety. Unemployment, homelessness, social distancing, wearing masks, not touching surfaces, not being around loved ones, isolation in our homes, fear of contracting it, fear of spreading it, fear of death. Covid has brought death and grieving to those who survived. I am here to help you with this anxiety and grief and also the stresses of reintegrating back into society after getting the vaccine.

Partisan Divisiveness

In 2020, there has also been increased partisan division that has caused family members to turn against each other. With Trump refusing to admit that he lost the election and then the insurrection on January 6th, anxiety was stacked on top of the pandemic. People are lost in trying to restore their relationships with family members who vote differently than them. I am here to help you unpack and process this dilemma.

Racial Equity

With the police brutality and the murder of George Floyd in June of 2020, racial inequities and mistreatment were fully brought to the surface through national and international protests by blacks and whites and other races. Racism has been an ongoing issue for over 400 years, since slaves were first brought to America. This historical trauma was carried on by Jim Crow laws in the south. Today, we are working towards having conversations to make changes in our system and also at a personal/interpersonal level. I am a culturally competent clinician. I am here to support people of color and to help them cope. It is my opinion that every black person has experienced racial trauma, a.k.a. PTSD. If you haven’t participated in therapy before, please rest assured that I will provide a safe, supportive space. I also am here to help white people identify their own implicit biases and explicit biases. Through recognition, one can move towards change.